something is not right!
“Something is just not right.”
These were the words my husband uttered to me as we were having a late dinner approximately eight years ago. My mother-in-law just retired to bed after her evening routine of tidying up after a long day. I didn’t think much of it. My mother-in-law was always a very strong, independent woman. A single parent who raised an equally strong and determined son.
“I think she is just slowing down a bit. Don’t worry” I replied. I know my husband inside out; he analyzes, assesses, and decompartmentalizes everything. It is one of those traits that can be his greatest strength, and also his greatest liability due to the stress it can cause him. I made sure to temper my response and not kid him as I usually do. This was his parent. I saw the worry in his brow, heard the heaviness in his voice, felt the slight tremor of panic. My husband doesn’t panic, he’s not made that way.
My mother-in-law went about her days as usual. Dressed to the nine’s, make-up in tact, cooked her favorite dishes, attended events with her friends at local senior centers, and went to church every Sunday. She had become forgetful, her hearing was slightly diminished, she would sometimes have bouts of depression, and would reminisce about things in her life that she had previously never discussed at length with me. All things that you could ascribe to getting older, losing friends who pass away, or just mere nostalgia.
My husband continued to monitor her and I continued to normalize even as her behavior became more and more uncharacteristic. I just did not believe that it could be something serious and admittedly chalked it up to a cry for more attention from us. She just looked so good, so like herself. I hoped for the best. Maybe she needed more stimulus, more hobbies, more engagement with other retired people in the community who were looking for a purpose and trying to enjoy life in a different, meaningful way.
One day we came home from work to a smoke- filled house and my mother-in-law at the dining table staring ahead, a sandwich burnt to the crisp in the microwave. Upon further investigation we found out that she had set the timer to twenty minutes instead of two.
This time, I did not try to allay my husband’s fears. We took action and against her will we accompanied her to her primary care doctor’s office. Thus began the journey of multiple office visits to the audiologist, neurologist, psychologist, and multiple tests including an MRI of the brain and cognitive assessments. It took a year but finally everyone concurred with what my husband suspected. We received the diagnosis of global dementia and everything changed.
It was the connection that my husband has with my mother-in-law that allowed him to see what no-one else saw. We were able to get her the help that she needed.
Trust your instincts. Follow through. It may not be something serious, but if it is you can get the help that you need for your loved one in the appropriate amount of time.
